


Fics I Can't Quite Write

by WitchWarren



Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: And the plot bunnies won't leave me alone!!!!!, But no muse, Everyone can probably write better than me anyway. Because you guys are consistent like that, Feel free to take them as prompts if you want, I have plot bunnies, I'm a fic-tease basically, I'm inundated with good ideas and no follow through, So I'm putting these up here until I can get round to them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-11 18:46:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5637928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchWarren/pseuds/WitchWarren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It would mainly be a fic from the Avengers POV with minor allusions to Mycroft and Sherlock in passing. But what do you guys think; Johnlock & Phlint or Coulson/Watson? Either are pairings I'm considering.</p></blockquote>





	1. Phlint Ninja Kisser

Phil’s manning a kissing booth in the quad to raise money for the Student Council. Of which he is Treasurer. And a nerd. Clearly not giving two shits either way he’s ignoring the crowds to immerse himself in a novel and his stack of comics.

So far there have been no takers.

It’s now three.

Because Clint ~~is the hot jock on campus~~ wants to mess with him he swaggers over there to ‘take pity on the Student Council’. Drops a dollar. Sly mocking ensues.

Phil – without even looking up from his book – reaches over, yanks him in, kisses Clint to _within an inch of his life_ , and pushes him back.

This is where Clint staggers back and proceeds to collapse because his legs have decided to start sucking at being legs.

Phil just keeps on reading.

 

BONUS

Tony strode straight up to the stand and dropped a dozen bundles of cash. “I’ll buy you for the day.”

Phil rolled his eyes, sniffed, and turned the page, somehow managing to do them all at once without looking at him, “Tony no.”

“You can’t even use the Pepper card on me. I asked. She said – _and I quote_ – ‘If you can get him to do it than have at it’! At the very least I can get some heavy makeout sessions outta this right?!”

Head snapping up he narrowed his eyes at the brunette; “You’re the reason why the online pole voted kissing booth aren’t you?”

“How you got this genius idea is not important! What’s important is that this venture that proudly takes advantage of your best and only assets not go to waste!”

Phil’s expression darkened and he lowered the book. Slowly.

Sensing danger Tony’s eyes widened; “Not that you’re not also handsome in addition to being a sexy sex ninja-paperwork-geek! Hell you and Pepper are the hottest geeks on campus! Why do you think I thought up this idea? I mean sandwiched between the two of you? Hella hot! It’s like competence robots. Competence sex robots! You know how much I love robots—”

The book snapped shut.

“Well since you admitted to being the mastermind behind this idea it would be a conflict of interest for you to get involved in the proceedings. However this _generous philanthropic donation_ will be accepted into the Student Council funds. In fact it may even be enough to close up shop indefinitely. Thank you for your patronage Mr Stark.”

Phil shortly and efficiently packed Stark away, gathered the bills, closed up shop, magicked a ‘Cancelled’ sticker over the sign and walked away in less than five minutes. Clint watched him do this all from his place behind Stark in line.

He could hear Natasha laughing at him from here as well.


	2. Sherlock Avengers Crossover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It would mainly be a fic from the Avengers POV with minor allusions to Mycroft and Sherlock in passing. But what do you guys think; Johnlock & Phlint or Coulson/Watson? Either are pairings I'm considering.

There is an official document signed by various governments the world over, it states that under no circumstances are the individuals Phillip J. Coulson and John H. Watson ever to work together again.

Ever.

Tony Stark must know why that is. No really; he’s desperate.

 

 

 

 

The short of it ends with Venezuela in flames.


	3. Medieval Dragons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...Because who doesn't want medieval dragons?
> 
> Seriously though; a lot of my writing style likes to make fun of Clint when I can. If I'm not punishing him. Simultaneously. With the comedy. I'm pretty sure Together is the only fic I've written that is remotely fluffy. I may have used up all my fluff. It's disappeared into the Miraculous Ladybug fandom. The vortex is strong. Help.

Phil Coulson is a knight in Clint Barton’s kingdom. Little is known about him until a troop stumbles across an unusual maiden-gypsy named Skye.

Phil and Skye are dragons in human form. Clint is heir apparent and not jealous in any way whatsoever. Natasha is amused.

 

 

 

“I’m not saying he’s my father, I raised myself.” Skye announced in the defiant tone of one who has had to struggle through her early life alone. Clint could sympathise. “However………if he had found me earlier……he would’ve been a good father. And that is all there is to our relationship.” She drew herself up challengingly and Clint nodded back in respect; she had delved into a matter that she would rather not speak of in order to vouch for Phillip and that was a loyalty he could share.

As for the rest…a part of Clint sagged in relief.

Skye noticed and continued, smirk on her face; “If you’re really looking for competition I’d suggest May.”

“What?”

“Perhaps I should send for her.”

Clint stared after her sauntering back.

“….What?”


	4. Five times no one knew Phil Coulson was Earth Kingdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because my brain said parallel universes.
> 
> I'm pretty sure I prompted iloveit blue with this because it was eating my brain. I still wanna do something with it but I'm a bit stuck for the other 4 things he needs to do.
> 
> Also does anyone know how I can link other authors and fics on this....?

 

 

“Would you kindly explain to me what the hell is going on?!?” Fury yelled.

Coulson raised an eyebrow, “Nothing unusual sir; I saw the lightning coming and redirected it.”

“You call _THAT_ ‘nothing unusual’?! _”_ Fury smacked the back wall of the conference room; a full-length screen meant to keep tabs on different angles (or Avengers) during missions (or battles). Right now it held a high-definition Technicolor 2 second replay of himself, suit jacket undone, tie fluttering, several thousand volts of lightning passing from one outstretched arm to the next.

As far as vines went it was pretty impressive. But it was far too conspicuous for Ko Zhan’s tastes.

At least it failed to show the stillness after the lightning had stopped striking, when he had held that ridiculous pose for a long time before a full-body shudder had rippled it’s way down his spine. Next time leave that cactus-juiced technique to the firebenders; his chi _was not meant to flow that way._

 

 

+1

They were in a desert.

Phil was blindfolded and surrounded by the Avengers; Thor, Iron Man, the Hulk and Cap clockwise around the points of the compass. Clint watched from up high as they struck.

Thor was first to attack sending Mjolnir flying towards him.

So fast he almost didn’t catch it Mjolnir swung round Phil instead of hitting him, landing in his palm as a sword after a full revolution and shooting lightning at the god, knocking him back into those precipe-cliff-outcrop things you find in a desert.

Not pausing Phil turns and flicks Mjolnir-chain at Tony just as he’s about to takeoff, whipping him round past Hulk – Steve practically backflips out of the way – and into Thor again. Hulk smirks, tossing a boulder.

Dropping into a suddenly-there hole, Phil dodged, leaving something to smash into Thor again (and by extension Tony) before popping back up and high-kicking another – suddenly-there – boulder towards Hulk. He catches it lazily in his fist and crushes it, still smirking. Starting to laugh actually.

The edge of Cap’s shield halts against Phil’s open palm, floating there as his other fist sends it straight back to it’s owner. Steve ducks it only to find that rocks have grown around his feet – and then the rest of him when he straightens – spikes round his face.

The shield returns via Thor, and Phil does the same – Clint caught it better the second time – quick change of stance that swings it round to smack broadside into the freeing-himself Cap, Thor and Tony in quick succession.

The Hulk’s actually settled in to watch, chuckling and clapping like it’s his favourite show. It’s probably the Thor bashing.

Mjolnir-chain starts moving as Phil does a series of complicated gestures, trussing the three together into a superhero sandwich.

And then he turns to face the Hulk.

Lifting his blindfold with his thumbs, Phil gazes up at the relaxed Avenger. “Wanna play?”

Hulk grins and surges forward—

Tony pauses the recording. “Okay are we just going to ignore the elephant in the room here?”

“Which elephant?” Natasha snapped back, nail filing in that way she had that was both disinterested and amused-at-your-expense. “The part where Phil beat you, where he made you beat each other, or where he barely broke out a sweat and the entirety of the footage so far has been a minute and a half and the minute was just you getting into position before you started?”

Steve blushed fiercely as Tony spluttered and Thor continued to mercilessly check over the newly restored Mjolnir for flaws. Clint had never seen the demigod actually sulking before.

“You’re the ones who wouldn’t let me take on Hulk alone.” Phil reminded them, refocusing Clint’s gaze on the _actual_ interesting thing happening; which was Phil Coulson – reserved, regimented and watchful – with his eyes closed and a blindingly giddy grin on his face as he melted back into his seat. It was positively post-coital.

Which wasn’t the right thought to have in a briefing room with Natasha’s narrowed gaze on him sending his balls right back up in his body.

“Are you okay Phil?” Bruce asked worriedly, “I mean; he didn’t hurt you or anything?”

 


	5. Phil Coulson attracts ALL the bears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please take that title in ALLLLLL senses of the word.

Agent Coulson is go-to honeypot is Strike Team Delta. Clint is bursting at the seams to find out how he does it.

Complete with SUDDEN BUNDLE OF FANTASIES Clint because that is my kink.

I swear to you god I have chapters in place, but I can't decide whether to just go plotless porn and comedy whump Clint or to have it plot-filled Succubus!Coulson because that is also my kink. The end product of the latter might have less porn though.

Or I could just make Coulson a really enthusiastic pansexual.

 

Help me out in the comments...???


End file.
